“Nickel and Dimed”

Review: NICKEL AND DIMED, On (Not) Getting By In America by Barbara Ehrenreich Ph.D.

(Reviewer: Francine Saint Marie)

According to the U. S. government’s own data and statistics, approximately 99% of the nation’s wealth is concentrated in just 1% of the population. Indeed, the actual “upper class” itself, is now composed of less than 20% of all Americans, a figure that will undoubtedly continue to be revised downward as [read more]

MERRY…

 

CHRISTMAS.

 

 

“Is Me Empress”

Panning Spam for Gold

As a writer (and a reader) I must confess I do open spam, especially those with titles like Is Me Empress. Help Out. These sordid little tales of murder and mayhem, intrigue and woe, of kings and princesses, of vast fortunes and empires lost or stolen–or held in abeyance somewhere in a distant land by villainous relatives and evildoers…it’s the stuff of great fiction, and, even if written in broken English (like the one from “Miss Empress Hassan” below) it’s still, in my opinion, first-rate prose. Albeit somewhat purple, I rank these highly entertaining pieces ‘Solid Gold’ and am undertaking to collect the best of them. So, if you’ve got any in your spam file that can rival Empress Hassan’s, by all means share it with me, or just click the “leave a comment” link at the bottom and post, post, post!

IS ME EMPRESS. HELP OUT. “Dear Friend, complement of the day, My dear I know this mail will come to you as a surprise since we haven’t discuses it before, but kindly bear with me at this moment. I have a special reason why I decided to contact you. My situation at hand is miserable but I trust in Almighty and hope you will be of my help. Meanwhile I want to let you know that i got your email id from your country chambers of commerce My name is empress Hassan Medical student i am 23years old girl and I held from Republic of Sudan the daughter of Late Mr Omar Hassan the owner of Brisco car dealer company, at the Khartoum in Sudan, He was killed alongside with my beloved mother and our family house burnt down by the rebels during the last crisis in my country when Janjaweed militias came to our house, You can read more about my country in the bbc news I am constrained to contact you because of the maltreatment which I am receiving from my step mother house. She planned to take away all my late father’s treasury and properties from me since the unexpected death of my beloved parents. Meanwhile I wanted to go Europe, but she hide away my international passport and other of my valuable documents which I kept. Luckily for me she did not discover where I kept my late father’s File which contained important documents. so that is while I manage to escape from my country to Burkina-Faso country. Which I don’t know anybody there just for me to claim my late father’s left deposited money in one bank here Burkina-Faso country. I am presently staying in the Mission camp in Burkina Faso . where I am seeking for long-term relationship and investment assistance. My Late father’s of blessed memory deposited the sum of US$2. 2 Million. In one bank in Burkina Faso with my name as the next of kin. I had contacted the Bank to clear the deposit but the Branch Manager told me that being a refugee, my status according to the local law does not authorize me to carry out the operation. However, he advised me to provide a trustee who will stand on my behalf. I had wanted to inform my step mother about this my Late Father’s deposited money but I am afraid that she will not offer me anything after the release of the money into her receiving position. Therefore, I decide to seek for your help in transferring this my late father’s money to your account abroad. while I will relocate to your country and settle down with you. I have my father’s evident to prove and the account number which I will give you as soon as you indicated your interest to help me out in this matter. It is my intention to compensate you with 20% of this my late father’s total money for your assistance and the balance shall be my investment in any profitable venture which you will recommend to me as have no any idea about foreign investment. Please all communications should be through this email only for Security reasons. I am waiting to read your letter today, Yours Sincerely Miss Empress Hassan”

Indefinite Leave

I just wanted to announce that I, too, will be packing up my balls and taking an indefinite leave from golfing so I can spend more time with Tiger’s family.

Peace Is a Prize You Can’t Win With Bullets

Peace is a prize you can’t win with bullets:

“Ngo Dinh Diem’s government stands for decency and honesty, while those [Viet Cong] conspiring to bring him down represent corruption.” Senator Mike Mansfield – Democrat, Montana (April 1955)

“It is fashionable in some quarters to say that the problems in Southeast Asia are primarily political and economic. I do not agree. The essence of the problem in Vietnam is military.” – U.S. General Earle K. Wheeler (November 1962)

“The South Vietnamese armed forces have now attained the experience, training and necessary equipment for victory…victory is in sight.” Secretary of Defense Robert S. McNamara (February 1963)

“By Christmas it will all be over.” U.S. General Paul D. Harkins (April 1963)

“Presently the military operations appear to be going better…we have also insisted on continuing the bombing…the President made some very impressive speeches in that direction.” Senator J. William Fulbright – Democrat, Arkansas (October 1965)

“The Viet Cong will just peter out.” U.S. General Maxwell D. Taylor (October 1965)

“By the end of 1967, there might be light at the end of the tunnel and everybody will get the feeling that things are much better.” Henry Cabot Lodge, U.S. Ambassador to Saigon (December 1966)

“I have never been more encouraged in my fours years in Vietnam.” U.S. General William C. Westmoreland (November 1967)

“I will say confidently that looking ahead just three years the war will be over…it will be over on a lasting basis that will promote lasting peace in the Pacific.” President Richard M. Nixon (October 1969)

“Peace is at hand…”Dr. Henry Kissinger (October 1972)

“I am absolutely convinced if Congress made available $772 million in military assistance by the time I asked–or sometime shortly thereafter–the South Vietnamese could stabilize the military situation in Vietnam today.” President Gerald Ford (April 1975)

Let Them Eat Fruitcake!

(Juicy Morsels for December)

FIRST: I’ll be guest-blogging on Mel Keegan’s blogsites over the next few weeks. That’s coming up fast so be sure to look here for links to these posts once they’re published…

Guest-blogger (sweet) but who’s Mel Keegan, you may be asking? Mel’s the creator of the popular new GLBT Bookshelf wiki and, for those readers and writers who are still boycotting Amazon for their ham-fisted gay glichfest last April, he’s devised a simple and nifty way to shop them for GLBT titles via his Bookshelf and get Amazon to unwittingly contribute funds for the project at the same time! Just click on the fruit peels to the left and check out Mel’s wicked wiki for more details about this. It’s easy to participate.

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AND FOR THE HOLIDAYS: The Quintessential Fruitcake (Remember the brandy, people, ’cause it goes without saying, the best fruitcakes pack an everlasting bang!)

This recipe calls for 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour; 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon; 1/2 teaspoon baking powder; 1/4 teaspoon baking soda; 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg; 1/4 teaspoon ground allspice; 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves; 3/4 cup diced mixed candied fruits; 1/2 cup raisins or dates; 1/2 cup candied cherries quartered; 1/2 cup chopped nuts; 2 eggs; 1/2 cup brown sugar; 1/2 cup orange juice; 1/3 cup melted butter; 2 tablespoons light molasses. (Oven – 300 degrees)

1. Grease an 8″ x 4″ x 2″ loaf pan, lining both the sides and bottom with brown paper to prevent over-browning (grease the paper, too);
2. In a bowl combine your flour, cinnamon, baking powder, baking soda, nutmeg, allspice, and cloves. Then add the fruits, peels, raisins and nuts, and mix well;
3. Separately, beat the eggs and stir in sugar, juice, butter and molasses until fully combined;
4. Stir this egg-blend into your fruit mixture and then pour the batter into the baking pan;
5. Bake for an hour and then loosely cover the pan with foil, allowing it to bake for another 1/2 hour before removing it from the oven to pan-cool;
6. Once cooled, remove the cake from the pan and wrap it in a brandy-moistened cheesecloth with foil around it.
7. Refrigerate for two weeks (or more) to mellow, re-moistening cheesecloth as frequently as needed.

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Books, baking, brandy, and blogs–such simple pleasures–ENJOY.

Dear Santa…

I’m hoping this letter finds you well and in excellent spirits for the coming holiday. I know, I know, it’s been quite awhile since you last heard from me–trying to go it alone now, even though it looks like I might have mucked things up a bit. Anyway, since I’ve been pretty good this year, and because you’re a busy man and you hate last minute requests, I thought I’d send you my wish list right now, in plenty of time for Christmas:

1. I need a new car: Yes, I said need and not want, because it’s been well over a decade and the time has come for a new set of wheels, which is why it’s number one here on my list. However, before you say “Ah-hah, one of those little Smart Cars ought to do the trick,” I just want to add that my taste in automobiles is pretty much the same as it was in my Lincoln-Continental days. That is to say that, although I do appreciate fuel economy, I’m simply not a small-car gal, and, if you take into consideration my frugal ways regarding energy consumption, I really do think I could be trusted with, say, a Cadillac. (I’ll leave the color to you.)
2. A new computer: Now on this one there’s a little room for compromise. Meaning, a newer computer will suit me just fine, as long as it comes equipped with a decent printer and the design programs and Apps I’ve grown accustomed to having and that, as both an artist and writer, I’ve come to rely upon. (Be careful with it on the stairs, please. They can be rather tricky in the dark.)
3. New boots: Size eight, but don’t forget to add a half size for a pair of thick wool socks, or in the event that they may come with a lining. Also, I’m going to have to be somewhat picky here because I’ve been investigating this and, seriously, there are a lot of ugly boots in the market lately. Sure, a beggar can’t be choosy but, geesh, no man-made materials or space-age designs, please. And, as is customary, no less than 1 1/2 inch heels. (If you remember, a two-inch heel with a tall shaft typically works best for me, and, by the way, laces are perfectly all right, too, though pull-ons or zip-ups would also be cool. As to the theme, I’m leaning toward western or combat this year, something that balances the concept of kick-ass with cute, but I want a square toe, nothing round or pointed. Again, you may pick the color scheme.)
4. Books: Books have gotten soooo expensive of late. Not my books, of course, but most everyone else’s are just out of this world now. I know you read a lot so, if you can toss a few of your favourites under the tree, I’d be grateful. Per usual, hardcovers are most desirable to me and, yes, I still prefer non-fiction over any other category, with biographies heading up the list. But don’t even trouble yourself with those so called “Bestsellers” as I’ve learned from experience that such lists are thoroughly rigged and, thus, cannot assure a quality read anymore. (In short, just find some truly good books if you can, irrespective of who may have authored them, and surprise me!)
5. Firewood: Yup, you’re right, this request is not for myself but for the Landlady, who, I can vouch for, has been just terrific every single day of the year. If you could deliver her a full cord as opposed to a face cord, and see to it that it’s all split and neatly stacked right outside the door–her door, not mine–that would be really great. (She’s a rugged individual, but she turns sixty this year and, unfortunately, so does her back.)
6. Something for the cats: I know I can speak for my Landlady here when I say that the animus between our animals must end, ASAP. Regrettably, we are at a loss ourselves as to how to achieve this, for, in truth, we have tried everything we could think of, and yet my poor (snooty) Princess is still actively stalked by Lord Findlay (pronounced finn-lee) and lives virtually every waking moment in certain dread of him. Therefore, I am suggesting a gift for these two otherwise exemplary and very well-behaved kitties that explores the idea and possibility of sharing, even though I have no idea what that would potentially resemble. (Having said this much, however, I implore you not to supply them with a chipmunk, bunny, bird, or the like, because neither of their humans have a stomach for murder and mayhem, and, moreover, such a present isn’t likely to bring about the spirit of cooperation we are hoping for and constantly seeking.)
7. Democracy in Burma: In light of how many times I’ve brought this subject up in the past two decades, I’m aware that it may seem I’m harping on it, but within that time span nothing has changed in Burma but its name–the military junta is still in power and the duly elected leader still remains under house arrest, a situation that is not only beneath her but which is negatively impacting her health overall, as well as that of her nation. I understand when it comes to issues like world peace you prefer to look at the big picture, which I respect, but I truly think this is a matter that requires your closer scrutiny. Thus, I am requesting once again that you free Aung San Suu Kyi for Christmas and, if that’s too short notice for you to act upon, then at least in time for her to participate in Burma’s election next year. (I’d be willing to trade the new car in exchange for this, but I can’t budge an inch for a new computer.)

Now, obviously poor Burma isn’t the only place in the world with bad people living in it and, quite frankly, I can name plenty of them dwelling right here in my own hemisphere. I’m only mentioning this just in case any of these individuals have requested a new home-entertainment system from you, for which you have, on proper review, deemed them completely unworthy. Mine, as you’ve probably already heard, went and kicked the bucket on me this month and, as a result, I haven’t been able to watch a home-movie for weeks now on end. (But, since it’s arguable that I could be constructively utilizing all that extra time to finish work on my new novel, I’ll just have to leave this one to your discretion.)

Well, that just about covers everything this year, and, notwithstanding that my wish list is rather short, I think you’ll find it nevertheless comprehensive. Naturally, I have omitted many smaller items from it that might conveniently fit into a stocking. Should you decide to indulge me, you’ll find those hung (with care) beside the broken television, as I no longer have a chimney to speak of. On that note, you’ll also find my new digs kind of small and a bit cramped to work in, for which I apologize in advance. As to me, you’ll see I’m much older than the last time we met, although, I suspect, fairly recognizable. Some things, however, will never change so, yes, I’m still a very light sleeper, but don’t worry about that; I will, as agreed to in the past, pretend that I’m not awake when you get here. By the way, remember to look for your glass of milk on the table by the door. Per usual, it will not be warm, but it will be spiked with good rum, so go easy on it if you’ve got more stops to make. Also, I don’t know if you’re watching your sugar these days, but I’m going to put out a plate of gingersnaps for you, too. (They’re low-fat, low-cal and low-carb, so you might want to give them a try anyway.)

Looking forward to seeing you again, old friend. Have a safe trip and drive carefully!

Your friend, Francine

PS. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I have 5000 FREE e-books I’m giving away…download YOURS now.

It’s mine. It’s from my Kindle bestselling shorts collection, Girl Trouble. And I can do with it what I want! So I’ve decided to give 5000 copies away for free. Download your free copy in virtually any e-book format you want and, if you like Dear Joan, then please also consider posting a rating of it on the site. It’s an authorized free-download, no strings attached, so just click on the cover to the left and get your freebie right now. (Because, after 5000, this promotion is history!)

What’s the Next Best Thing to FREE?

ONE NOVEL, ONE PENNY…today at Barnes & Noble. Just click on the penny to get book two of The Secret Trilogy for one red cent.

Free E-books (for Xmas)

Smashwords is offering a free download in any e-book format imaginable of Fortune Is a Woman, the second novel of The Secret Trilogy. (Use the link above to find it, or just click on the cover image to the right.)

If you’ve got a Nook reading device, FIAW is also available for one penny at Barnes and Noble in an e-pub format, although B & N does seem to be having a heck of a time fully launching their new e-book enterprise: numerous missing cover images, scant descriptions, lost product reviews, etc! (But just scroll down my earlier posts for the penny link to B & N, if you’d rather download it from them anyway. And click ‘Stores’ on the menu bar above for other options and specials, or click the individual tabs up there for additional info on all current releases and their availability.)

ENJOY.

Next post: “Let Them Eat Fruitcake” (Coming vewy soon.) In the interim, happy holidays from Francine Saint Marie

Amazon Fail (again and again and again)

There’s starting to be a distinct pattern here so maybe I should have titled today’s post So many Glitches So Little Time, or Accidentally on Purpose, or perhaps even A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Sellers’ Forum…

SOURCES REPORT ANOTHER MAJOR GLITCH ON AMAZON last week, this time negatively affecting the small third-party sellers who do business with Amazon in the “Amazon Marketplace”.

Independents who list and sell their wares in the Marketplace allegedly logged in to process their customer orders and found instead that they had been completely eradicated–no orders and, what’s more, no order history either! Apparently it took hours for Amazon to get around to informing their disaffected merchants that they were “experiencing technical difficulties” with the reporting system. However, ‘Seller-Support’ utterly failed to mention in these posts that they were actually making alterations to the Marketplace accounting platform, alterations that have since been fully implemented, and which also seem to have significantly slowed Marketplace sales now to a mere trickle. But this dramatic downturn is probably just another awful coincidence, don’t you think?

OBSERVATION: Amazon’s “glitches” always seem to precede some major internal overhaul which, when finally completed, adversely impacts the little guys’ ability to generate sales on its site.

QUESTION: Could this be the most evil corporation in the world? Or just a bunch of stupid miscreants with expensive briefcases?

To be revealed soon, methinks!

“You can lead a whore to culture but you can’t make her think.” *

(*Variation of that old adage: “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.”)

Dear “Challenged”,

Because I see in your cash-for-reviews that you are striving to emulate such giants as Dorothy Parker and aspiring to achieve similar withering witticisms of your own, I titled this particular blog entry quoting that famously scathing assessment Parker made of the actress Joan Crawford, and I am further recommending that you consider the works of ‘Mrs. Parker’ as required reading—especially those from her popular column Constant Reader.

Like you, Dorothy Parker too felt bitterly about the achievements of others and frequently lashed out at them with pointed barbs and poison pens. Indeed, despite her great notoriety and obvious natural abilities, Mrs. Parker was extremely frustrated with her own writing projects, a sad fact that is well-supported by those who knew her best, and her various biographers.

Unlike you, however, Mrs. Parker went about the business of artist-assassination in a highly-skilled and organized fashion, using an economy of words, with very little repetition, and carefully arranging and rearranging her points until they were as sharp and swift as arrows. In this way, the critic never missed her mark, and her criticisms, no matter how cruelly composed they might have been, never came off as specious.

Your “reviews” will come off as specious when they are not well-written; when they’re merely posted “for cash” and “clicks”; when it seems clear in them that you have some kind of personal agenda; and when it’s obvious that you’re not fully familiar with the material you purport to have read and are excoriating:

Writing reviews is a very high art, and, whether they are negative or positive ones, they’re not just dashed off in a sudden rage, full of disorganized insults and defamation…and sound and fury. Think of a review, instead, as a deeply personal essay, that reflects not only your honest and informed opinion, but your very substance and merit as a human being and a writer, and, thereby, your credibility.

Studying professional critics that you admire and seek to imitate will help you to identify where in your own work you are weak, and this exercise, performed on a routine basis, will ultimately strengthen your writing all across the board, bringing it to the level of professionalism that is required whenever one undertakes to endorse or to criticize the work of another. Not incidentally, professionalism will also increase your readership.

In closing, I will say only that it’s too bad you feel so “challenged by [my] award-winning” debut, because it was never meant to be such a challenging love story. But impassioned responses like yours, about a book written so long ago, are a true testimony to the power of words, and to going that extra mile in an effort to write them right. I will also add another quote at the bottom of this post. It’s from my motivational writing tutorial for Kindle called Write Now! I hope that it may provide some more valuable insight, as well as an inspiration to my fellow artists and writers out there:

“All artistic endeavors are achievements unto themselves.”

Good luck with all your endeavors, and very best regards–
Francine Saint Marie
Author of:
The Secret Keeping,
The Secret Trilogy,
Girl Trouble, and

WRITE NOW! (How To Write That Novel–Today)